Our Little Doodle

We discovered we had lost our little one at our 13 week ultrasound. I was considered high risk due to a past thyroid disorder so we were getting to go in early for an ultrasound and were so excited.

When they tried to find the baby's heartbeat they couldn't find it and discovered that we would have lost the baby at 7 weeks but I had had no signs of miscarriage, the girls there were so amazing with me and explaining how it just happens sometimes for no real reason but was such a heartbreaking moment, I didn't understand how I could have gone 6 weeks or so with my dead child and nothing had happened, I now realize what I thought was morning sickness and regular pregnancy nausea was likely my body breaking down what was left of my little one. We wanted that baby so bad my heart broke and I was just in shock, I broke down as soon as we left the hospital and pretty sure I cried for days afterwards.

As I had a missed miscarriage and my body wasn't showing signs of "properly" miscarrying the baby I had to choose between waiting longer, doing a D&C or inserting misoprostal tablets at home to bring on the miscarriage. Because I had gone so long already they advised the home tablets as I had a higher risk of infection, July 1st I inserted the first 4 tablets and waited, waiting was the worst part not knowing fully what would happen.

I didn't realize that I would essentially be going through labor with contractions and my water breaking. Unfortunately the first set of tablets failed and I did not miscarry fully and I had to go back and re do them for a second time. That was almost the worst part as it was dragging on and I just wanted it to be over at that point, I wanted to heal.

I think about who that little baby would have been and am waiting for us to experience the joy of finding out we are pregnant again. Someday we will have our rainbow baby <3 We love you little Doodle. .